In the essay, she has a strong introduction and conclusion. The intro had a very good analogy about writing and building a house. The conclusion was also strong because she explained what she learned in 101. She seemed to just be explaining her other papers throughout the whole article though. She also had poor organization and no transitions between each paragraph. The thesis of the article was "A superior paper is made up of solid research, meaning and all the rhetorical devises, which are just some of the writing skills I have learned this semester in English 101." She supports her thesis somewhat by explaining all the rhetorical devises she used in her papers, but failed to explain the skills she learned in 101 until the conclusion. She uses quotations but they don't seem to be supporting her thesis. They are quotes that she had used in her papers previously and have little or nothing to do with her thesis. This is how our group reorganized the paper:
a. Deletion summary of unit one
b. Introduction stayed where is
c. Second paragraph is the audience paragraph
d. “Many times in order to generate an effective paper…” moved to third paragraph
e. “In some forms of writing, research is necessary in order to back up a specific…” moved to fourth paragraph
f. “In any research paper it is the responsibility…” moved to fifth paragraph
g. “Not only did the unit four paper involve arguing…”
h. “One type of paper to write is based on analysis…”
She feels that she has improved a lot because she had not even known most of the things that were taught in english 101.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Essay Analysis
Essay Errors:
In the Unit 1 essay, I realized that in the introduction, it would have been a better intro if I stayed away from background info and just got into the story. There was also a few grammatical errors that would need changing too. I also realize that I tend to have trouble with transitions. Not just from paragraph to paragraph, but sometimes just from from different sentences. I feel that I also need to be a little more clear with how I word my sentences. By reading some sentences they make sense to me but may not to the reader. And lastly I need to be more descriptive. Rereading my story makes me think that I need more descriptive words to help paint a picture for the reader.
In the Unit 2 essay, I once again catch myself not being fully clear on what I'm trying to say to the reader. Also, in my readership section, I was very general in describing how the readership was strong. I catch myself assuming things rather than describing what it really is. I make some claims in the paper that shouldn't have been made but instead worded differently. Last, I see that I'm using phrases like, "this is a good ad because..." when I need to phrase it like, "by doing this in the ad, it makes the ad stronger by...."
In the Unit 3 essay, I immediatley caught many grammatical errors just in the first paragraph. Also, when I quote the author from the article, I failed to cite where I got it from like page numbers. I do make claims that are true, but don't support my own claims by explaining how my claim is true. I also see that in my paper I also give too much information and sort of steer away from the main point I'm trying to make. Lastly, I feel that I'm repeating myself by saying that "this" made the article stronger, and "that" really helped. Instead I should focus on how to explain and support these claims I make.
Organization of Problems:
1. A problem that is easily fixed is grammar. I found that I often made small grammar errors that could have easily been avoided if I simply re read what I wrote.
4. I found a few times that I poorly or not even at all supported my own claims with evidence. I would make a claim but sometimes fail to give my own evidence from the article proving why my claim is true.
5. I also feel that sometimes I lose focus on the main point and trend on a different topic. I need to keep focus up and sidetracking to a minimum.
Problem Analysis:
In the Unit 1 essay, I realized that in the introduction, it would have been a better intro if I stayed away from background info and just got into the story. There was also a few grammatical errors that would need changing too. I also realize that I tend to have trouble with transitions. Not just from paragraph to paragraph, but sometimes just from from different sentences. I feel that I also need to be a little more clear with how I word my sentences. By reading some sentences they make sense to me but may not to the reader. And lastly I need to be more descriptive. Rereading my story makes me think that I need more descriptive words to help paint a picture for the reader.
In the Unit 2 essay, I once again catch myself not being fully clear on what I'm trying to say to the reader. Also, in my readership section, I was very general in describing how the readership was strong. I catch myself assuming things rather than describing what it really is. I make some claims in the paper that shouldn't have been made but instead worded differently. Last, I see that I'm using phrases like, "this is a good ad because..." when I need to phrase it like, "by doing this in the ad, it makes the ad stronger by...."
In the Unit 3 essay, I immediatley caught many grammatical errors just in the first paragraph. Also, when I quote the author from the article, I failed to cite where I got it from like page numbers. I do make claims that are true, but don't support my own claims by explaining how my claim is true. I also see that in my paper I also give too much information and sort of steer away from the main point I'm trying to make. Lastly, I feel that I'm repeating myself by saying that "this" made the article stronger, and "that" really helped. Instead I should focus on how to explain and support these claims I make.
Organization of Problems:
1. A problem that is easily fixed is grammar. I found that I often made small grammar errors that could have easily been avoided if I simply re read what I wrote.
2. I need to also be more clear with how I word my sentences. In all 3 papers, I found that the sentence would have made sense to me but may have been confusing to a reader that is not familiar with the topic.
3. I found some trouble with description too. I found myself describing something like a situation or a picture, but not fully. I have to re read a desription to make sure that it flows well and is fully described.4. I found a few times that I poorly or not even at all supported my own claims with evidence. I would make a claim but sometimes fail to give my own evidence from the article proving why my claim is true.
5. I also feel that sometimes I lose focus on the main point and trend on a different topic. I need to keep focus up and sidetracking to a minimum.
Problem Analysis:
I feel that my biggest problem is supporting my own claims. I do sometimes support my claims but even then I think that they're not supported fully. I have improved the most in how clearly I write my sentences. Comparing the first paper to the third paper, I realized a great improvement on my sentences being more easily understood by the reader. They make more sense and are much more clear, but its not perfect. I know that my writing skills have improved because of how my papers are written. I feel that from the first to the third that my papers are more clear and sophisticated. I saw more general problems in my first essay and found that most were fixed by the third essay, but I'm now dealing with perfecting the more complex problems with my essays.
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